Age: 18 years 5 months 30 days
God, I love you. Redacted is wrong for me. How long am I going to keep playing this game? It’s not a game though. I like him. Why can’t I fall in love with someone who isn’t a Christian?
I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to think about things. What a mess.
Let me start off with why I don’t like drinking. Life is too precious to waste any moment of it. When one drinks to the point where they are not in control of their actions they may lose that part of their life. What if they’re only going to live 8 more hours? Drinking diverts one’s attention from the eternal to the temporal. That’s not living in the moment, that’s dying in the moment. It’s gone, and all you’ve got is a temporary joy. In the end of that time of momentary joy you can lose control over your actions, or your perception is altered, you become someone else. You’re not really yourself. How can one ever want to live when they’re not themselves? Again, that’s not life. I don’t like the idea of messing with my mind. I don’t like the idea of not being in control of my actions. I don’t like the thought of me being more flirtatious because I can’t restrain myself. You lose control over things you care about. You stopped caring about them. What’s accomplished by being drunk?
I want to be able to share all of myself with the guy I love….. I’m close to understanding this. Let me remember or let me understand. When I love someone, I want to want to be with him every second because my love for him is eternal, never temporal. That way I’m not wasting my life on something fleeting. We’re both focused on eternity. For someone who isn’t a Christian there is no need to focus on eternity. There can’t even be eternal love because one, they don’t believe in life after death or two, they believe in life after death but not in the true life i.e. you. I guess that eternal love can only happen through you god? Why? I’m not sure.
A non-Christian can’t help me grow closer to you because they don’t know you. Well, they can help me by questioning you so that my arguments grow more refined, but they can’t help me in a different way.
Ah! I need a way to tell redacted. I don’t know how to say it without “ I can’t be with you because you’re not a Christian”. How unsatisfactory that is! I couldn’t accept that. I don’t want to do that to him either. So I need to know what it is about him not being a Christian that puts up a wall on our relationship. Right now I don’t understand. All I know is that I don’t feel right about our relationship. I don’t understand.
God. HELP!
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