Age: 18 year 3 months 29 days
What’s to even say? There’s so much on my heart and it all hurts. I’m too lazy. Not really. First things first. I think that the close friendship I had with redacted, redacted, redacted, and the rest, I think that’s over. Why would I think that? redacted called up redacted’s house today to hang out with redacted. He didn’t want to hang out with me. If he had wanted to he would have called my dorm. Oops though, I answered the phone. Now I’m so hurt though I can only think of conversations with him where I hurt him. “ It’s over redacted. It sucks to see you. I hate life when I’m with you. You bring me down. I don’t want to see you. I hate hanging out with you. And I would rather hang out with redacted also. You can’t have her. I’d like to be the one that laughs and does cool stuff with her”.
Wow, where is our friendship? I can’t even remember things being fun with them. Not true, but it’s all memories. They were supposed to be the friends I had forever. Now it’s not fun to be with them. It brings me down and makes me angry. What do we have in common? I don’t know! And we don’t do things with or for you anymore. I don’t want a part of this. I want to see them once every few months. Two months wasn’t even long enough to make seeing redacted good.
Don’t I have friends? I did. A lot of them are memories now. I miss having fun with them. That doesn’t mean that I want to see them. Maybe redacted. Only her though. Our friendships are so businesslike. “ Okay, what do you want?” It’s not good.
I trusted my friends too much. I relied on them to fulfill the needs only you can meet. It doesn’t satisfy me.
And I have too much fun with redacted. So much that I’m distracted when I’m not with him. Nothing else seems to matter. All I want to do is think about him. But I’ll probably end up relying on him too much and not you. I don’t want to lose his friendship. Especially not because I’ve relied on it too much.
And I’m crazy about him. I want more than anything to date him and marry him. Everything I know about him seems perfect.
I don’t want to give up my other friendships just to focus on him. If you have in mind for us to date, I’d have to make sure I’m aware of my other friends. I’d have to spend time away from him developing those friendships.
A few things I need to know before I date him…
- Does he believe that you are the only way to life? Is he living for you? What’s his purpose? Will he give you everything?
- Is he a virgin? What does he think about sex before marriage?
- I want to live so well as to be able to walk out of my house, taking nothing, when you wish it. Is he willing to live without the material a comfortable life?
- He must know that I may never have kids. And if I do it will be much later in life, after I’ve done things like make a movie.
- I want to make a movie. That means I’ll be gone for a. Of time or he’ll have to come with me. Is that okay with him?
- I want to be the only girl he sees. I won’t compete with others. He has to devote himself solely to me, after you of course. Likewise, there will be no other guy for me. Like big fish, I want there to be only two girls for him, me and the rest of the world.
- I want to be able to talk about the Bible and pray with him. Our relationship will be in line with your will. And we’ll do things to advance your kingdom. You’re the only one who fulfills me.
- He does your will above mine.
- I’d like to know about his past relationships before starting one with him.
- Why isn’t he pursuing his dream?
That’s all I can think of. I’ll hold out if he doesn’t fit. God, there’s only one guy for me, and as of right now, only you know who it is. And I trust you. And I’ll wait as patiently as I can bring myself to do it. Or with the patients you bless me with. Silly to think it is from myself.
I love my friends. I love getting to know new people. Help me to treat everyone with love. I really do want to make someone’s day each week.
Wow, I’ve only known redacted 3 months. That’s crazy. I’ve never liked anyone like this before. I don’t know everything about him, yet the thought delights me that I could spend every day of the rest of my life with him. And he’s already one of my most favorite people in the world. How wonderful.
And I’m so silly to think that he’d want to be with me. I don’t deserve someone as great as him. When I first met him I thought “ he’s out of my league”. It’s so true. I can only hope. There’s a maybe.
Maybe he’ll find a different great girl for him. That would be good for me. Get these feelings over with quickly.
Dreams are all I have. I love being a dreamer. And to think… I never used to have any dreams.
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