Age: 18 year 1 months 16 days
3:37am
Okay. I’m back. I got stuck way back when. I didn’t have anything to write about. I did poorly sticking up for you today. I’m so skeptical in the way I say things. I felt ashamed of the truth. Forgive me?
Anyway, do I fully trust you? I actually want to give my concerns with dating and getting married to you. God, I’ve been ridiculous and chasing after a fantasy with redacted. It doesn’t help that sometimes in the past with him were so good. But their memories. I’m happy having a life separate from his.
I don’t know what I want for myself. I can’t tell you if I actually want to be with him. Anyway, it’s gone too far. I need self-control. I don’t want to devise ways to see him. I don’t want to call him. So let’s do this, no matter what comes up I will not call him today after I wake up. I won’t do it. Is that your will?
You’re going to have to help me clear the feelings I have for redacted. Mend the attachments that are not pleasing to you.
It would be nice to be free of these feelings, and even the lovely memories I’ve replayed so much. It’s not healthy. I only want to care about my husband’s this much. I’ve gone too far emotionally with redacted.
I tried to give it all to you. It became all about me saying I was giving it to you and actually trusting myself more than you. I took it into my own hands.
I’m sorry only for not trusting you, not for loving him. You’re right though, our friendship needs to be for friendship’s sake again. Or I’m not listening to you am I? Nope, not at all. I’m thinking to myself.
How do I talk to you? Where are you in my life? And why is that a more of a concern to me than you are? I honestly think I want you at the center of my life. Won’t you come? Are you there? What more can I do for you? How can this be more real?
Take me again. I don’t know how to follow you.
Can’t get enough? Subscribe to my diary newsletter!
http://www.diaryofamindweird.com
And/or support me on Patreon to find out my current thoughts on my past self:
Mindweird 
Leave a Reply