Age: 18 year 0 months 30 days
Hi. I am so sad and so angry and so hurt and I don’t know what to do or how to handle it. I’m screaming inside.
I went to see redacted’s play today. It broke me and hurt me, but I don’t regret going if you use me. God, I’m afraid that they’ve lost you. And I know that I’m losing you, and I know that I’m hurting, and I know that I’ve been mean. I’ve been judgmental and I wanted to find something wrong with them. I don’t feel qualified to remove the speck from their eyes while I have a plank in my own. But if they’re losing you, and if they are headed down the wrong track, AH! I don’t want them to lose you.
I’m afraid that it’s me who’s lost you. If that’s the case I’m projecting my problems onto the band. I want to at least know which it is.
I’ve waited for quite a few hours after the show to hopefully talk with redacted or redacted or everyone. I never got the chance, or didn’t feel it was the right time at dinner. I didn’t think about it much at dinner. I wanted to forget. Anyway, the conversation never happened.
God, I don’t know their motives, but I haven’t seen an instance where they asked for your guidance. It looks to me like the band is headed in the wrong direction.
I don’t want them to fall apart. And the thought of them losing you sickens me. They have talent. You know this, I see this. They have passion. I tried to understand by comparing their passion for music to my passion for film. The opportunity I have, the possibility of making a movie, I can’t imagine wanting anything more for your glory.
Ah! The band wants nothing more on their minds than to honor you with their music. Right now all of their intentions seem business related. They’ve given you their minds but their hearts are lusting after worldly enhancements. They don’t see it. They want to improve themselves and become professional so that they have a larger ministry. That’s what they’re working for.
How is that bad? It’s bad because they’re doing it their way, not yours. They’ve left you out of the picture and have forgotten your help. And their work has turned from your work to their selfish game. They’ve lost heart. They’ve lost meaning. They’ve lost their purpose. And they don’t even see it. I don’t see you in them anymore.
Have they asked you about this business thing? I don’t know. Have they asked you about not playing any more shows? That seems to me like they’re cutting their ministry because they’re too good to play crappy shows. How are you going to speak through them while they wait and improve their talents. Yes, they do need to sharpen / tweak their skills, but is this how you want them to do it? It seems like the band is headed into sure heartache. They’re falling.
And I don’t want to diss them, because with that talent they have a powerful ministry. It’s leaving them though because they are serving the world and its money thinking they are doing it to your glory.
This is really hard to tell them. I don’t have the words. They’re dying. Not as individuals in the faith, but as a band in the ministry. I can’t sit by and watch it happen.
Again, it’s hard for me to even think of telling them, or even beginning to know what to say. But I’ve brought the issue before you and I know that this is not all in my head, as I wish it were.
I’ll talk to them tomorrow, after church. I’ll set a time with redacted and then with redacted. There are things between me and redacted that still need a few words also. Would it be right to speak to them? Yes?
God, I’m happy. I’m scared. But I thought I may be making a wrong decision going to church tomorrow. But I can’t leave for college without talking to redacted and can’t leave the bands like this.
Ah, It has to happen. We need you back in our lives and their relationships between us. Give me the right words. I’m not even sure what I’m going to say, especially to redacted. Is this your will that I speak, or just mine? It will be beneficial even if I am mistaken. At least after talking it will be made known to me that I was mistaken. And you will be among us again.
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