Age: 18 year 0 months 17 days
(I mistakenly wrote 7/15 in the diary entry)
I didn’t tell him any of this. He’s all I can think about God. I’m worried about him. I hate how he isn’t doing anything with his life. He needs you to give him something to do.
God, I don’t know what to do.
I think that he lied to me about skydiving. I don’t want to think this way. I want to believe him until he tells me that he lied. Everything looks like he lied though. It will be good if he’ll admit to me he lied because then maybe he’ll face up to the fact that he lies about little stupid things to make himself look better and he’ll turn to you for help. Then this lie would be completely worth it.
I’m a bit hurt that he would lie to me. He’s stupid to think he’d have to lie to me about anything for me to like him. I want to know who he is without his stupid lies.
God, as you know I’ve been thinking about spending the rest of my life with redacted and I came across some problems with that already. I will not give up college for redacted. I’m going to be a college for at least 5 years. I’m not sure that all of it will be at Grand Valley. That wouldn’t be a problem except that redacted in a band. They’re going to tour the country. I want them to make it. That means that they’re not going to be in Michigan forever. I’m going to miss them so much. Wow.
Anyway, I’m not going to give up college to come with them.
Next problem: I really want to make a movie. This is going to take so much of my time and dedication, but God, how could I give up my dream when it’s so much for you? I’m not going to give it up, even if I marry redacted. He’d have to be willing to let me go for at least a year and make this movie.
Things aren’t that simple though. If I get a job after college, it will probably be stationary. I want a job so I can make money for the movie.
Marriage requires so many sacrifices. I won’t give up my dream for redacted. I will go where you call me, wherever that is.
God, I would love to travel all over with the band when I’m out of college. I would love it more than anything. I could also work on writing my movie. But at some point I’m going to have to search for a producer. If I actually find one then I will probably have a year where my life is creating this movie. I’d really miss redacted because chances are he wouldn’t be with me.
That’s all right though. If he’s willing to live with my dreams and what they mean in my life I’m happy to live with his. It will be harder to make a movie if I marry him then it would if I didn’t have anyone else to think about. With him, I’d have to consider how my actions affect him.
College is the big thing though. Who knows where we’ll both be in five years? That’s a lot of time, many things can happen.
God, I’m not worried about how things will work out. Keep redacted and I together if it be your plan. I don’t want to lose him, but the times we’ve had well we had the time were lived, used, taking in and absorbed. Five, six, or seven years is not too long to wait to get married. I can wait even longer. It’s nice not to know how everything will work out. I trust you. I’ll follow you, even if it’s away from redacted.
Take our relationship, and mend the issues that have come between us. I miss our friendship.
Help redacted. Give him purpose and direction in life. Give him things to do in your service. Help him stay dedicated to the band, and help him find the motivation to get even better at the drums. Bring redacted close to you.
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