Age: 17 years 11 months 11 days
God, I don’t get this at all. I waited until 9:25 to call redacted. It was the hardest thing ever. I almost cried in Meijer. I miss him so much.
I’m happy with the way things went today, but I’m confused. When I called redacted I still had a bad feeling about hanging out with him. But redacted had come over and we had nothing to do. I’m glad that I didn’t call until that time because if I didn’t wait, I would have missed the walk with redacted, dinner with redacted and and redacted, a grocery trip I could have done without, seeing redacted. It would have sucked to miss those things.
I had a great time with redacted and a great time at redacted’s. I don’t know why. All we did was sit and stare at his fire, but it was good. We barely talked, but it was a good talk. I’m so happy to know what’s going on in their lives.
God, it was great, and we didn’t do anything at all. I know redacted a bit better and I was honest with him and myself. We talked, but it wasn’t so I could date him. I didn’t have the secret motives. No God, I love him, friend or husband.
These little things that we talked about, it means so much. It makes me so happy. It made my day. I was so miserable not knowing what’s happening in all of their lives. Now I know what’s happening with redacted and redacted, redacted, redacted, the band and I hated not knowing that. I care about them.
I don’t know if I’ll marry redacted, but I know that I love him. I care about him, not about dating. Plus there’s no way we will date. But I love him. I care about him. It was so good being there.
I don’t know how it could have been so good when I thought you didn’t want me there. It was the best part of my day. God, they didn’t call. I said that if they didn’t call I wouldn’t go. I went anyway. I did wait until almost 9:30 though. It didn’t seem awful to go when I went. I was so concerned about doing your will.
God, I understand things better because of this. I don’t understand redacted, I know this. I can’t read him. He confuses me. But he’s my best friend. I love him, regardless of other attractions. I never have to have the dating relationship with him. I want him as part of my life always because I love him so, not because of future marriage ideas. It’s like how I want redacted in my life forever because I love him so much. I’m not ever going to date redacted (Unless you are crazy, but I don’t want that. Don’t do that to me). That doesn’t mean that I love him less. I love redacted. I would do anything for him. Same with redacted. So, those things are right with redacted, it might just be right beautiful friendship. And again, that is not a just thing. It’s a wonderful thing – a blessing beyond anything I could ask for.
I’m not worried whether or not he is the one right now. I’m at peace about not knowing. I really do trust you and I’m alright not knowing. I will not pursue anything. God, put it in his heart to come after me if that be your will. He’ll follow you and so will I, no matter what, even if it breaks my heart. You know best, and I really do trust that.
I’m so it peace after tonight. Seeing him, talking to him, it put things back into perspective. It was so good.
I missed him (and them) because I love him (them). that’s it. I miss their lives. I miss the times they have without me. I don’t miss the attention or flirting from redacted, no that’s fickle. I miss his life. I wanted to know how they were doing. It’s good to know the snow. I love them and I love you more because of the situation and them.
Things worked out tonight. I didn’t trust that they would, but they did. I love the way things happened. I believe you more now. I’m ashamed it my lack of faith in you. I hated you from keeping me from their lives. And I worried. I worried about everything. Finally, you’ve given me peace. I’m happy. You bless the night. I didn’t believe that you would. You did.
I’ve made plans to see them tomorrow. Be with us again. Tell me more about redacted. Don’t let me take things into my own hands. I’m okay with your plan.
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