Age: 17 years 11 months 6 days
Alright God, hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and it wasn’t that bad… yet. But redacted didn’t talk after I told them (redacted, redacted, and redacted). He joked around with me all night, even beat me wrestling twice. We talked a lot, about real things too. We talked about Bible study and about friends, and it was nice to spend time with him. We even talked about girls and guys in each other’s lives, basically how we avoid them.
Crap God, if you can put up with my awful words, man I hope he can. I’m glad I told him about my struggle with masturbation. I’m a bit relieved, but haven’t seen the benefits of my honesty yet. And I’m not sure they’ll happen.
God, I don’t want him to give up on me. Change me so I don’t hurt him. I don’t want to do anything that brings pain to his life. Shoot God, I hope you can put up with me.
And I want him to think about my struggle with masturbation. I don’t want him to just push it out of his mind and never deal with it. I would like him to talk to me about it, whatever he needs to do. I want him to forgive me and things to be better than best, but not if we’re pretending are pushing things to the side.
I’m glad that’s off my chest now. I can refocus on you and talk to you more. And at peace.
Redacted might not be right for me. That would be extremely sad. It’s true though. I don’t know if he’s attracted to me that deeply. I don’t need to doubt this now. It’s helped my idea of love grow if nothing else. If it ends soon, I’m glad I loved him with all that I have, and even happier for his friendship. I want us to be right, I’m not sure what he wants. It’s up to him.
God, take this. Sorry if tonight I didn’t listen to you as well as I could have. Take the relationship with redacted. I’ll do whatever you want and try to see your plan with this. I’ll try not to get carried away, or flirt when it’s not right.
I’m still concerned about what he thinks of me now. It would be nice if you would talk to me about it. I can’t push anything though.
God, I wish you would tell me if it’s right or wrong or if I’ll marry him or not. It’s been right, but I still have no idea if I’ll be the happiest girl alive and marry him.
Take our relationship and continue to build it as friends. Please let him forgive me for all the stupid, mean things I say. I want attention. There are better ways of getting it though. Take our relationship. I can’t worry about it anymore. It doesn’t help.
I love him, I trust you. I know that my plan is not yours, but I’m hoping this thing with redacted is in your plan. If it’s not, all know that you have what will make me happy is in store for me. I’ll all only follow your plan. So again, this is yours.
Sorry for saying that you suck so much tonight. I didn’t mean it. I suck and you freed me. It was hard to tell them though.
Hey, I’m so happy that I did. And I got to say everything that I wanted to say. That feels good. I hope that I’m free for real now.
Sorry for hurting you. Please forgive me and continue to guide my life. I love you.
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