Age: 17 years 11 months 6 days
Alright God, you win. I’ll talk to you now. It’s hard because I had such a wonderful time with redacted on the 3rd that I can’t stop thinking about him. Also you’ve laid it heavy on my heart to tell redacted and him about my struggle with masturbation. So I’m nervous. I’m very nervous to tell redacted. It’s shameful, I have to lay down my pride. And I love redacted even more now. Being with him Saturday was better than anything I can even imagine. I miss him and want to see him again. I’ll probably see him today, because I can’t keep my secret any longer. You want me to tell it and now is the time.
It’s hard because I don’t want redacted to disrespect me or look down on me. I know that telling him is a very brave thing to do, and it will be liberating to get this out in the open. It doesn’t make it any easier.
I know that this is right and you’re will and good will come out of it. I’m nervous though. I love redacted so much, and what we have is so right. I don’t I want even the opportunity to mess things up. This could end it all, but it can’t go on without mention. I know that I have to tell him. I want redacted there too though. I don’t want it to be just me and him and you. Her being there will make it easier, but it’s hard to tell her too.
And then you want me to tell everyone at TEC. Shoot, that will be hard to, but not nearly as hard as telling redacted. After I tell him, I can tell anyone. And I can tell him. See God, I really can’t tell him anything. This is it.
I couldn’t live with myself if I ignored you and didn’t tell them. After all, I hurt you the most and I am at peace because of your forgiveness. I don’t want to cry when I tell them, but I don’t want to play down how horrible and shameful it really is.
The worst that can happen is that they will hate me and throw away our years of friendship. Or we’ll start growing apart. I’m not worried that that will happen. I’m doing your will, and you’ll bless our friendship or tear it apart. But what happens will be best. It can’t be awful, because you’re holding me up. You are taking the situation. If I lose them, it’s for the best.
It may not be my will, but I would rather have it be your will.
God, I’m at peace and ready to tell them. But I’d like to talk to you about redacted.
Every time I hang out with him I love him even more. You take our friendship and bless it. I know that you’re behind this, and I would give it up if you weren’t. That’s true. I’ll give it up right now if you have a different plan. I asked you when I’m with him and you let me love him even more. I’m shocked that I found someone this wonderful for me. He’s the guy of my dreams and I’m just now realizing it. God, I’m so blessed to have him, and kind of in disbelief. This is real, it’s not in my head. He’s great for me, and things could end up in marriage. I really do want to spend the rest of my life with him. We’ll see how things go, especially after today, but thank you for him and take our relationship. I’m not going to mess this up by taking it myself. So here’s our relationship again, do what you want with it.
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