Age: 17 years 10 months 26 days
Okay, so you convinced me to open this up and actually write in here by saying, “Actually spend time with me”. I was like crap, time to stop avoiding this.
God, I miss you. Yes, I still talk to you, but it’s different. Since I ignored you telling me not to go over to redacted’s I haven’t been asking you what I should do or how I should spend my time. Ooo, I’ve just been doing things. I’m sick of it.
Oh, and my horrible tongue has been getting me in a lot of trouble. Redacted’s really concerned with my words being so full of hate because they don’t want me to treat other people the way I treat them. Thank you for their concern, though it sucks to see my faults. My tongue and my attitude suck, even to my best friend (redacted). I can’t go on talking about crap and tearing people down. God take my words.
Oh gosh, I miss you. I miss trying to give all my actions to you. I’m sick as forcing myself to fall asleep on you, but I really do want to avoid having to acknowledge my fault. Yeah, crap, it’s awful.
I have this TEC talk to write and give and I feel more unqualified than ever. My tongue and words have been all about me recently, and I definitely do not deserve to give this talk about you. I’m screwing up. I have screwed up and continue to do so. I can’t think of what to say and can’t find your guidance in this area of my life when I pushed you out of other areas. Ouch, things are becoming clearer.
Oh and God, I love redacted. I want to marry him. But some things I say around him in about him are horrible. I need help controlling my tongue. The talk I had with redacted was a wake-up call. My evil tongue is out of control and it’s breaking people, myself included. I can’t go on being this horrible two people I love so dearly.
God can I say a bit about redacted? I don’t really know what to say except that I feel like I’m dating him and that may not be a good thing. I want to be with him the rest of my life, but I have to keep pretending that he is not definitely the guy I want to marry. It’s true that I don’t know if I’ll marry him, but he’s definitely the only one I want to marry. But anyway, our relationship needs to develop more. I need to control my tongue. Please, ah, ah, take this from me, honestly. I don’t want to be plagued by words anymore. Satan works through my words, and that is scary. I want my words to be honorable to you. Honestly, this needs to stop now. Not going to work on it in the future. No, now God. I give my words to you now.
I’m broken and messed up. I’m screwing things up in my life and I can’t bear the thought of living or spending more time without considering and consulting you. I’m so sick of myself.
Anyway, this thing with redacted. I fall more in love with him each time I see him. But whatever horrible thing I do in sin I will not let myself run away and break apart our relationship by ignoring your will. Wow, I’m married to you first. I’m not going to cheat on you, and definitely won’t divorce you. (Help me develop this concept for my talk, if it is your will I will use it of course. It’s a great idea from redacted. The idea of marrying you in our relationship. That love is a good one to talk about. So tell me what to say about it and how to say it.) I love you and put you first, at least in this relationship with redacted. Let us mature you and guide me. Please tell me how I can honor you more while interacting with redacted. And tell me if I’m hurting you. And tell me to stop loving him if you don’t have a purpose for it. But as it is, I’ll love him with everything I have. I’m not interested in dating him. No God, I want to be with him forever, and if we’re not meant to marry each other not dating will come between our friendship at least.
I’m so blessed to have had him in my life. Seriously, I can’t begin to describe how great he is and how much he helps me.
I’m so sorry for hurting you in for ignoring you. And I feel stupid for going to see redacted rather than listening to you. You’ve used that situation to teach me about my evil language though. You even work through my mistakes! I’m so sorry. I can’t say anything. I want to live every second for you. Whatever you want me to do tomorrow, I’ll do it. I will cancel plans with redacted and redacted if you want. Anything God. As long as you want it, I’ll do it. Even now. What do you want me to do? Clean the kitchen? I will you know. What do you want me to do? I don’t really know, but I think this is at least on the right track.
I’m so sorry to avoid you. I’m also stupid.
I need wisdom and interacting with redacted. Thanks.
I need help loving redacted more with my words. I realize I do love her, I do respect her, but I am so often blind to these facts. Thank you so much for her. She shows me how much I need to improve. She always challenges me beyond anyone else. That’s amazing. She’s probably helped me most in my relationship with you. She does a lot for me. I hope. Thank you for using her to painfully wake me to my faults all the time. I need her.
Help TEC. Help me. I love these candidates coming through. I care so much about them. That’s only from you. And because I care, I want to do everything I can to help them know you or know you better. Give me the right people at my table, the ones who can benefit from my knowledge in personality the most. Be with my adult table leader right now, and pick the right one for me. Help me love him and work well with him. Don’t let my opinions get the better of me. I want to be with the adult table leader you choose for me. Work through us.
I believe in trust in your plan for me at TEC.
How can I control my tongue? Now? Only you give me patience and help me focus on what’s right. Attack my evil words, and break them down and tear them away.
God, this marriage idea for the talk is great. That talk with redacted helped a ton. How about we end asking them if they will marry you? I think you told me to end it like that. Oh, and I can use a movie clip! Isn’t that great? If we find one that works really well I would love to use it. I’m not nearly as excited to give the talk, but I’m still pretty excited. I was looking forward to giving it on the spot though. This will be better.
I’m sorry for being in a bad mood since the near end of work. You helped me over it throughout these hours though.
God, I love you. How can you see me worthy of marrying you? That idea really is great. Is it what you want me to talk about? Only if it’s your desire. I really think it is. Help me develop the idea.
Guess what? I really do love redacted and redacted and I would like to see redacted again. She’s great to hang out with. I kind of miss her. I like knowing her God.
Okay, now I’m writing anything for the sake of writing. I want to read the Bible now. Is that good? Yes? No? Maybe? If I want? Sure? Just tell me? In a bit? Okay…
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