Age: 17 years 10 months 18 days

I’m really tired. But I want to talk. I’m exhausted though. No, I can’t go to bed without talking to you.

Hi God. Yes you. Hmmm, where’s this conversation going to go? I just got back from redacted’s surprise birthday party. It was fun, but I wanted more out of it. Looking back it was great. I had a blast hanging out with all the people I don’t get to see too often.

While I was there I wanted something more. I wanted a deep discussion about you or something. I have been wanting that in every event I go to, but I can’t always have that. No, those sorts of bonding times are special, they don’t happen every time. But that does not mean that the activity is meaningless. Getting to know these friends better, and having fun is a goal worth dedicating time too. I had fun, but I want my fun to be a new. Teach me more about this. I’m not sure I can think right now.

Redacted was there. I wanted something more talking to him too. I didn’t talk to him a whole lot tonight, but we talked. It was good. He bleached his hair ( a meaningless note, but shows I care).  I hate it, but I still find him very attractive. God, I want something more to develop, but I’m beginning to do things wrong. I feel like he is the one I’m going to marry, but taking that feeling too far is too easy. Still I won’t date him, but I want to give this to you again. I don’t want to stray from your plan for me.

God, I can’t seem to leave while redacted is still there, even if I want to, even if it’s your will. That is a problem. God, I love him, I don’t know if the marriage would work out. I’d have to not get sick of redacted. Don’t let me take over this thought and run away with it. I’m not going to pursue. This has to be your idea and on your time. Keep us best friends and we’ll see what happens. I give our relationship again to you, and please bless it. I’m not sure what specifically that means but be in it. Shine through us like none other. You should be so apparent in our relationship.

Oh, I have a list of things I hate passionately. They came up in discussions tonight. I hate…

• Cell phones
• Driving
• Xanga
• Converse shoes
• bleach blond hair
• sometimes video games
• even talking on the Internet, it’s fine except for meaningless conversations, still sometimes it’s the only way to have them
• TEC talk, but I do it all the time
• Movies ( but it’s a love-hate relationship)
• taking pictures ( separates you from the real event occurring at the time)

That’s all I can think of right now. Interesting list. I found it interesting that I feel so passionate about these things.

I need hope about work tomorrow. Give me the right perspective, because it seems so horrible. Money is no motivation. I love that I’m not really worried about money though because of the job. I know that it’s a great way to fill my time. It’s fun sometimes too. Please be with me though. We’ll have fun. Help me work through any aches and pains I have. Change my perspective. I focus on then and not the fact that it fills my time, helps me be productive, and gives me the opportunity to bring glory to you. It’s a great way to spend my time, one of the best ways, and it helped me prepare for the future. I’m feeling better about work now.

Ah, take the relationship with redacted. I’ll think about it yes, but I’m not in control. This is yours. Of course I’m involved, but take it.

I’m going to bed. I say sorry about not reading from 1st Timothy but I’m not sorry. I know you’re all right with it. You want me to sleep, right? Right. Thanks. I would stay up you know? Yes you know. Good night. I’m overjoyed at the thought of goofing off with you tomorrow. You’re the greatest. No more words.

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