Age: 17 years 10 months 14 days
God, I’m tired, and sad, and mad, and frustrated. I’m exhausted and so fed up. I’m depressed. I love movies so much, God and I hate them so much. Only you know how much of my life has been spent in movies, oh crap, it’s sick. I spend at least 2 hours almost every day watching movies. I go through millions of movies looking for one, just one that means something. But that rare time that I find an excellent movie, so it makes me so happy! One movie that means something, one that has impact, one that changes people’s lives. The few single ones that are so real and genuine. The ones that passed their falsity and help us understand you.
God, I’m trying to find one good movie about you, and there aren’t any good Christian movies. There are no movies in the world that love you, and are excellent.
Movies waste my time. Oh, you know how much this hurts me. I just want to make a good movie about you.
There are few good movies I have seen, well, I don’t know what it is about them. They enlighten us.
I hate movies. I hate them. And then I see one good movie. One that’s aimed at showing people the truth, and I love film. I love the way film can be used, not to exploit people, but to get them to think. Great films are amazingly powerful and insightful.
I have to show people how great you are. I have to show them that film is fake, but this life is real and that you’re real. I want them to know you. They have to see your love. People need to be free. We can do that with film. It’s the only way I know how to show them what’s real.
It’s hard to make a movie. This kind of excellent movie is going to be near to impossible to get made. I really have to want to do this. And I hate working for film because so meaningless.
I don’t know what I want to tell the world. I don’t know what the movie is going to be. It will be challenging; very challenging.
I’m afraid, God, I’m afraid. I have to try to make this movie, but I don’t know what the movie is. I don’t know what insights to tell people. And I’m scared that the movie will fail. I’m afraid that it won’t be any good. I don’t believe that it won’t be good. I don’t know if I’ll ever know what my movie will be about. I want people to see the meaninglessness of everything that is not in you. I want them to hate movies for their lack of meaning and corrupting, degrading messages. I want them to never want to watch a meaningless movie again. I want them to look at movies in a new way. But I want the movie to be seen and understood by everyone. Crap!
I’m doing this. It’s right, and I’m skilled and talented in these areas. I can talk movies with the best of them. Satan, you can’t make me feel that I am not qualified to do this.
I’m not making a fake movie in a fake city. I’m not going to spend my life in the made up cities of Los Angeles or New York. I can make a movie without their help.
I don’t know how I’m going to do this, but I won’t be happy unless I do. I’m going to try. I can’t give up. I can’t get lazy.
I have not found the real movie that I am looking for yet. It has not been made. My project is different than the world. My movie is different. And it’s not out there yet. I can do this. Only I can do this. That rocks. Only I am going to do this.
All things testify to God as the Creator…
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