Age: 17 years 8 months 12 days

I’m back from the trip. I’ve been trying to do my homework but I keep thinking about the trip. I am sad to be back, yes of course. It was an amazing trip. Every single thing about it blows me away. Every moment was lived to the fullest. It was definitely a you trip. I learned a lot, and I will tell some of it, but oh, where to begin?

I’m sad to be back home because of all the hectic things I need to do. We’re moving this week and I have a ton of homework with the TEC video on top of everything but God, you give me plenty of time. I know that I can get it done, keep me motivated. What bums me out though is that school is conflicting with living for you. I know that they don’t have to conflict but I always make excuses. School is depressing. I haven’t been as happy as I was on this trip in a long time. I know that being back home does not mean that I give up you. You’re still here, still my best friend, and still with me every moment of the day. I miss redacted, redacted, redacted, and redacted because I love them with all I have but you, my best friend are still with me constantly. That gives me peace and joy. I wish that I saw redacted, redacted, and redacted more. I wish I saw them every day like on this trip but there is a world to save and it’s good to return to it.

Ending this trip is harder for me than leaving TEC. I used to miss TEC terribly because it’s such an easy, loving paradise. But as I have matured with TEC, leaving is less hard. It’s a joy during the weekend but it’s also a relief coming home. I compare this feeling to “TEC withdrawals” or “TEC blues”.

Break…

Whew, Where was I? Oh yes. Well I just went out to Salvation Army and out to eat with redacted. It was good. Good to talk to them. God, help them with the stress of moving.

About the trip… Being back is like leaving that spiritual high. Yes, I was high on God the whole trip. Seriously I acted high the whole week. It was so much fun. And I don’t want to leave that. I laughed at everything. Only 1% of the things were actually funny, but I laughed ninety-nine percent of the time. How great to be so free from the bondage of the world! I want to live the same way now that I am home. It’s harder without the friends that help you lose yourself though. I miss them. That’s the real killer.

Why don’t I get the TEC blues anymore?  Well, I never really had a severe case. I do miss the people every time TEC is over. But I see them again. Now TEC is real, meaning I am real at TEC. I’m the same at TEC and in the world. So I miss everyone, but I’m the same person with more inside. That’s why it’s not bad. Same with this trip (I hope).  God I miss them, but I’ll see them soon enough! I want to be the same person though. I wish I could still laugh at everything. But that’s special, and being that high is not practical in the world. I’m happy to be back, and hopefully ready for the challenge.

I can see so clear now after a week with you. I know that I want to live every second for you. I know that anything else is a waste of time. I know that I never want to hurt you. I learned so much about music from redacted. I know why I am going into philosophy and film. I will expand on that.

The real, pure, sincere reason I want to learn philosophy is for your glory. I want to be able to reason with the best atheists. Philosophy will help me minister better. I’m taking it the same reasons redacted and redacted are taking pre-seminar classes. It’s for ministry. And I know that I am better able to minister with philosophy as opposed to theology. I want to explain God clearly and address the real issues that come in opposition with the knowledge of God. I also want to work through any doubt that may arise in my mind. I want to know all the reasons people can think of for doubting or disbelieving in God. I don’t want other people to have logical doubts that I haven’t thought through. I want to know what other people think and I want to be able to use sources other than the Bible to show them God.

I want my film to show God, capture God, or prove God (or all of the three).  I want it to challenge people to think. I want to inspire people to live. And I want it to be insightful. I want it to be so complex as to challenge the intellectual, yet so simple that all understand. Film is my gift and a way to share god with the entire world. I want to make short films that help Christians, but feature films that are aimed at the atheist or agnostic world. I know that this is where you are calling me God, even when I forget the real reason behind my motives and turned selfishly to film in philosophy for my own pleasure. I know that these areas are where you want me. God, my desire is to help be a part of your revolution. I want to change the world, fighting Satan and individuals with specific philosophy, and fighting him and society with film. Let this be your will God, yet I feel that it is you who have given me the desire. Thank you for reassuring me over and over again that those are your will. Like when we walked by the film section, I knew that film is for me. I love it. God, I can use it so well. Give me the chance. Don’t let me settle in to the easy life. Let me strive through all the hard times, let me work with more fervor than ever, give me this opportunity. I don’t want to get lazy and forget the gold. I fear that God. And I fear settling to lukewarm. Don’t let it happen. Darn my free will. Remind me so I don’t lose sight in fall to the crooked path.

Now to recount the trip. While I’m thinking about it, I learned so much about music from redacted. I don’t think I’ll forget it, and I don’t want to. But redacted likes a whole bunch of great old music. They have good taste in music. They love music so much, as much as I love film. So we were discussing our favorite oldies throughout the night. It was great, we kept singing awesome songs. It was a blast. For the first time I realized how much redacted loves music. I thought of them as closed minded before, someone who only listens to lower quality Christian music without giving great music a chance. I was so wrong. They love great music. When it comes down to meaning though, Christian music tops at all. The best secular artists sing about nothing at all. The music is great and they display their souls, but it’s not fulfilling. The most fulfilling stuff thinks about what is real, and that’s God. It’s a waste to sing about drugs or sex. It’s okay to sing about life, break ups, random times, but what gives it meaning is the Christian Perspective. So, like movies, we can learn about the world from secular ideas / themes, but what brings fulfillment is the truth. The desire for redacted is to play the best music ever that means great rhythms, catchy beats, new combinations, but solely they want meaning. They want to bring and give glory to you God that’s an amazing goal. Redacted wants the band to be as good as secular artists because it means more ministry. Great music is recognized by all parties. But to be great is not the goal. Bringing glory to God is. They don’t have to be new revolutionary on a musical technical level to revolutionize the world. They helped more people with their message.  So I agree with their philosophy for the band; there’s no point in thinking about things other than God. They sing about what they know, and they know the truth. Only the truth will convince us. God be with redacted. They’re a great investment, as you know well.

Sleep.  ZZZ…

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