Age: 17 years 7 months 25 days
So I talked to redacted today. It’s nice to hear from them. I am going to meet with them Tuesday for coffee and we’re going to discuss the TEC promotional video, along with other things. They have their own editing company (or something like that) and have been making films for a while that are even recognized at festivals. They have won awards for their stuff. It makes me really depressed knowing that they are a year, maybe two, older than me and are that far along. I am simply a movie critic with observations. I can talk about films and I can visualize things. I also know what looks good with what. But I am so far behind where redacted is. I feel I know nothing compared to them. Now, this TEC promo video will be great, and I’d love them to film it so it is good, but it makes me sad how little I can do. But I will be directing it, calling the shots, helping edit, and planning the video. It is going to be more than just clips from TEC, but I don’t know what else.
I guess that makes me happiest knowing that I can do all that. But I do need an idea for the video. I don’t know how it’s going to be fun, exciting, new, original, surprising, focused on God, informative, and inspiring at the same time. God, I need your help. I need an idea. And the sooner the better. Plus, I need an idea for a real movie for Creative Writing. Goodness, I am such a horrible writer. How am I going to write my own witty, sophisticated, original film? I don’t know if I can do it. First I need an idea though. Then I can work on making it sound real.
Ah! This is depressing. I am willing to work as hard as I can to fulfill my dreams of making the movie, but is that enough? Too much worrying. God, I love film. But I leave these worries in your hands. You have a plan for me. I am happy in you.
So while I’m talking to you and writing, I can focus on my prayers. God, we’re in financial troubles, Redacted and me. Redacted’s worries are in the present, they need money and this house is a stretch. Plus, they hate their work. I am worried about college and getting a job I hate. But let’s focus on redacted. They really need your help right now and it’s encouraging to see them really striving to focus on you and put their trust in you. They need you more than anything so be here with them. Plus a bonus would be getting the house and letting the sale of this house to redacted go over smoothly. Let things work out, and if this house in Grandville is not right then let us find somewhere else quickly. But help redacted find happiness and peace.
A praise – redacted is excited about TEC, but I don’t know how to tell them that it’s an extremely spiritual weekend solely focused on you. I’m afraid they will run before they even gets there if I tell them the truth. but I don’t think so. They seem very open to the religion, even at times seems like they have accepted it. I know you have been working at them and in them and bring them to TEC. I really believe that this will finalize their faith in you, though they may not change after the weekend because they still have their past and friends that Satan will use to confuse them. But, they will have an experience with you this TEC weekend. Let me be all I can for them and let me be bold. Sorry for my doubts oh, I know this is in your hands and I am being used by you. It’s hard not to place responsibility on myself. Open their heart though, if you can (didn’t you hardened Pharaoh’s heart? That has weird outcomes. Like if that is true it implies a lot of other things including issues of free will).
Speaking of which, redacted had this good, puzzling question for me yesterday when I visited them at work. You created everything perfect and good. But Satan turned from you. If he was living a perfect life in Paradise then why did he turn? But more importantly, when you restore heaven on Earth and all Christians go there, what’s to say that we won’t turn from you to choose help? Hmmm, the easy answer seems to be that if we chose you all this life on Earth and we know what torment hell is and how horrible life is for Satan why would we choose the bad after working so hard for the good. Plus we will know that the power of the sin is only temporary. And maybe in this new heaven we won’t desire to be Godlike anymore. But, will we still have the choice to choose the wrong way? Surely people in hell do not have the choice to come to Heaven. Seems like we’ll be a whole bunch of zombies in heaven then. That makes me skeptical of Heaven. It sounds like it sucks. But I’ll have to trust you on its benefits huh? I still want to be able to think though. Would hell be the inability to think? I don’t think that’s right, but it sure seems like hell to me.
Done with that topic for the moment. God, bring redacted’s brother redacted to TEC. I know they applied but like redacted, that doesn’t mean they’ll come. And they need you. God, I don’t know if they’re searching for you or if they’ll be open to you but work at them, work so hard. It’s horrible to have them waste their life. But God, I don’t know their situation. Let then find you. Let them know you. Ah, make them know you. I wish you could and you can but I love you because you don’t. Thank you for not inflicting and enforcing your will on us. I love you because of choice (choice to love you and the fact of choice). So though I want redacted to change and to follow your truth, the truth, I think you that they (and redacted) can choose their own life and choose to believe lies. Since you do complete and satisfy us though and offer so much, I want these people I love to share in your joy. You can’t blame me for that.
I decided to go on Spring Break April 1st with redacted, redacted, redacted, and redacted as you know because I asked you about going. I am missing Calvin classes and I am bummed about missing philosophy but doing this for you is living and if I were to die that week that’s how I want to be spending my time, not sitting at home on my butt except for a few productive hours at Calvin. Help my professors understand, but even if they don’t, I’m going. This is for you, also for me. I will get closer to my closest friends, and closer to you, the best of them all. I can’t wait to spread your love and have a blast. Obviously you’re coming with us so it would be nice if you protected us on the way there. I guess we do have six coming if we include you. Redacted got his wish.
Thanks for the wonderful friends who really do care if I come and sincerely want me to come on this trip. I was a bit surprised at how happy they were when I decided to come and how sincerely they wanted me to go. They really love me a lot and I am so blessed to have them. And I love them right back with all of my heart. God, these friends are worth more than all of the riches on the earth. I can’t thank you enough for them.
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