Age: 17 years 7 months 3 days
Hey God, what’s up. Today was another pretty bad day. I felt pretty sick all day. I went to Calvin and love philosophy even more. But I haven’t been thinking about things. I’ve just been possibly taking them in. I will discuss some issues later.
Anyway, I came home and slept until like 7. I didn’t play my drums or run, which I am really sad about. I am not going to stop running (hopefully, I can say that but I have to do it).
Oh, it’s Lent right now. Started a while ago, but only a few days. But yeah, I have never given anything up for Lent. I always found it stupid to give up chocolate and pop and that sort of thing. But if it redirects their attention to you for one minute then it’s well worth it. Huh, just like praying before meals. If that can remind people to worship you it’s great.
Well, I haven’t thought much about this, in fact it basically just came into my head but television is really polluting my mind. I keep watching crap. It’s making me lazier, or giving me an excuse to be lazy. It’s polluting and killing my mind. I spend hours letting my mind decompose. And I work too hard at learning things to forget it all and have it turn to mush with the television.
God, I want to give television up. But not just until Lent is over. I don’t want TV to control my life and the time I will have without TV can be used for you. I like that idea. But I don’t want to just give TV up for 40 days. I would like to honor you by giving it up for a year. Now, this isn’t all for you :). It benefits me greatly too. I want to refocus my priorities on you. This is for my mind and my relationship with you. I don’t feel that I have to do this God, but I want to praise you with it.
There are some exceptions, otherwise the no TV thing is unrealistic and will control me, which I don’t want to happen. I don’t want to become so obsessed with not watching TV that that’s all I can think about. That would not be beneficial. So, I usually watch TV while playing my drums for an hour. It gets boring playing practice basic rhythms for an hour and TV makes the practice enjoyable. This kind of television helps me become more productive so it’s allowed. Also, if I want to watch the news (which I don’t usually do) that’s good for me. It helps me stay in touch with the world. So I can watch the news at night if I feel the need. Also, if there is some educational thing like the history of church doctrine, or what actually happened to Jesus or whatever I may be interested in the Discovery Channel, I can watch something like that every once in a while, because it helps me. I learned things and that kind of television does not kill my mind. Again, I don’t watch the that that often, but I’m allowed to watch it. If I am over at a friend’s house and they turn on the television, I could tell them how I gave up TV and asked to do something, but if we’re bored to death half an hour or so of TV isn’t harmful. It just becomes a problem when I spend hours each day polluting my mind with horrible shows that are people down and encourage lust. I’m sick of being so involved in that putrid “reality”.
I have in no way given up movies and can watch a few in a day if I have the desire. But of course, if movies become all time-consuming then maybe we’ll have to limit that intake too. I don’t think that will be too much of a problem. I always think while watching movies anyway. They helped me grow in knowledge, and even wisdom? I want to think so.
God, it’s going to be hard giving up TV. It’s a commitment, and a year is a long time, but it’s worth it. God, let’s start this out right, in prayer. God, I love you and this is something that I want to do for you. I don’t want the distraction anymore. I want this time to grow closer to you. God, you’re changing my life. Finally I live at home the way I live at TEC. God, it’s not fake, I’m not fake. This really is for you. Satan is going to tempt me to break my promise, and I’m weak without you. I might fail. I might lose sight of you. But always bring me back. And help me to fight Satan. We can do this. (Moreover the point is not solely to not watch television it is to refocus on you).
I might have to start with 5 movies a day and work down. Haha, just kidding. I hope my addiction isn’t that bad.
All right oh, now I would like to talk about movies because there are a lot of negative things about them. In Plato’s philosophy they are the lowest form of reality. An image of a replication of the form. They are misleading and give us false emotions. They are manipulative and fill our heads with junk. They encourage the appetites to rule. Film is not even like music. Music can be a language that the gods. It’s divine, a universal language. The beauty of it helps us to come in contact with the divine (only if used properly). But I want to use film for God. Why do I love them so much? It’s impersonal, something that I hate. I can’t argue that it’s the lowest form of reality. Maybe I, like Augustine, like the idea of becoming a Creator. Do I want to be like God? Am I unhappy with the reality God gave so much that I want to create my own new world apart from him? I hope not. I’m fascinated with the reality around me. With nature, with air, water, walks. I love its beauty and hopefully these images give me a greater idea of the Form, or in my case God. Which I think they do, I know God more because of nature. But I hope that I am not concerned solely with artificial Beauty. No, I want the Form, nothing of a lower reality. I want God.
Movies then, what role do they play in finding God? I appreciate beauty more because of films. Films make me think. I discuss films with other people. But they are the furthest reality away from God. What benefit could they have other than distorting my view of reality (which is no benefit at all)? Yet I can point to films that inspire me to seek out reality. I don’t not seek reality in film. I seek inspiration in film? I seek reality in philosophy and Christianity. But films, they fascinate me. They make me want to know the truth. And in a way, it fascinates me that they are a low reality. It fascinates me how they play with emotions. I don’t want to manipulate my audience though. I want to inspire them to find the truth. I want to search for the truth in life, in reality and I want to put my insights into film to help people find meaning in life, question meaning in life, discover reality, search for the truth, give them a good life. I don’t want my movie to stop on the screen. I want it to have an impact like The Matrix had on my search for reality. I want to help people in this common language so all can understand and be moved to have a real life. I want people to become unconcerned with the folly and appetites of the world. I want to alarm people and give them concern for wasting their life. I want people to know God and to know truth. Basically, I want to make a movie to help people think. Doing a movie, I will inflict my opinions on others, which Augustine tells us is the horror of theater. In theater, Augustine wanted to be Godlike and inflict his will on others, he enjoyed the power and the evil act for the power and the elevation to divinity. In theater, Augustine warns us of how it also inflicts its will on the audience. Creating a film is a god-like power. I will be its creator. But I don’t want the movie to be from me. And the last thing I want is the movie to be meaningless. That’s why I’m having such a hard time writing a movie. Anyway I want my movie to search for truth. Even if I find truth in the movie, is it still the lowest sense of reality? Why is it that Plato can capture truth about reality in words in a book merely describing what he perceives to be the truth. My movie will be like my philosophy book. Reading Plato’s idea of reality help someone come in contact with actual reality. Even though the ideal state may not exist, the soul can come into alignment from reading the book describing an ideal state. The book has the power to change people and cause actual changes, though in itself is also what Plato would describe as the lowest form of reality. Like books, movies used in the right way can actually bring one in contact with reality or with the form though it is not real itself. Film is to me as writing is to Plato. It’s used to help people come to understand. There is nothing wrong with using filmed or poetic words like Augustine to help people come to know something. The image is maybe replications of the truth, like words are, but they, like Plato’s myths can have their own truths (like Jesus’s parables).
Now I feel much better about film. I know that films generally suck and encourage stereotypes and acceptance of things that help along the demoralization of American society. But, on the other hand, it is a great tool if used properly, and by goodness I mean to use it properly. I will reach people who never dared open a book and it will reach intellectuals. What a wonderful spectrum movies hold.
I feel much better about wanting to make a movie now.
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