Age: 17 years 7 months 0 days
It’s Sunday and a miserably boring day. It’s about 9 at night and I just want to go to bed to get this wretched day over with. Dang and I went to Eye on Video to rent a documentary Spellbound and they gave me Hitchcock’s Spellbound. Not that the movie isn’t good, I bet it’s great. I just don’t want to see it right now. So crap, I’ll just keep watching the Oscars until I find something meaningful to do.
Today is only a bad day because yesterday was great. I went shopping with redacted. Then we got food and went to their house to eat. Then we went to redacted’s and redacted, redacted, redacted, redacted, and redacted came over. We got pizza then went to a great TEC party. It was the most fun at a TEC party I have ever had. Redacted was there, and that was great. God, what’s up? Redacted is extremely attractive. And I have a great time whenever I am with them. And I’m still myself around them. I don’t jeopardize my values or even my little opinions to impress them. I don’t pretend that I like things I don’t like to impress them. We’re friends, and it’s great. And no, I do not want to date them anytime soon. I trust you. And I know that if you want us to be together there’s no way it won’t happen in the future (yuck, so many double negatives in such a short amount of time). I’m all about waiting years and having our relationship grow or fail. If it can’t last a year or two, it’s not forever.
But God, you want me not even to like them? I’ll wait for your time, but if there is no time I don’t know if I can just stop liking them like that. I mean, I don’t like some things about them, and they’re not me, but I wouldn’t change anything about them except their bedtime. Ha! I don’t know about that one.
But God, I thought you told me that it’s never going to happen. Yes, I heard that. I guess I would like to know. It’s logical that nothing will ever happen and there’s someone else for me. I may even want someone else. But when I see them, God, I like them. They’re wonderful, so full of life. I like who they are. I don’t know if I’d be good for them. We’d have to offer each other on in godliness and good deeds.
God, I’m not dreaming of a relationship anytime in the visible future (near visible future). I can see us dating in college if I go to GVSU. That’s not why I’d go there. I still haven’t heard back from Michigan, but I’m not sure that is the right school for me.
I’m not going to worry about redacted. I’m not going to fantasize about them. I don’t want to dream of characteristics about them. I don’t want to misinterpret them when we hang out. All I want is a deepening friendship. A real one, not one where I make up or imagine things. Good idea huh? But God, honestly I want to just tell you to make it happen, but I’d rather trust you to do what’s best instead of trusting myself. I’m open to your will.
But God, should I not even like them? No, when I see them, whatever I feel, I feel.
God, I feel better. Glad to get over yesterday to come to today.
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