Age: 17 years 6 months 26 days
Hey God. I do not understand you. Not one bit. And right now I feel foolish. You’ve put redacted on my heart. So I called them. Okay, so I got this crazy wonderful idea in my head about starting a Bible study. And honestly, I want redacted’s help. But I didn’t because, one, I barely know them and so I had to call them and tell them you told me that we should get together. Two, I have no idea what Bible study / Church / whatever (work, school) they are involved in. So I had the idea that I was going to ask them to start a Bible study.
Well, I don’t think that is right anymore. God (jumping thoughts like mad), I asked you to give me a sign about this Bible study, specifically I asked if I still thought you wanted me to do it in the morning, then I would. Well, I still thought that in the morning. And all day I rationalized it. And it just kept making more and more sense. I even thought of how the meetings could go. We’ll work on the details of the Bible study later.
Redacted would be a great leader of a Bible study. I thought that, I admit it. But I don’t really thinks that they will be involved with this. Still I was / am convinced that I need to talk with them and had to call them as soon as possible so that I would take the stuff for you. That’s true. God, I really want to do more for you, whatever that may be. I personally think that this Bible study is a great idea and that there needs to be more real Bible studies. But God, if I can’t do this Bible study let me do something else.
See, the reason why I think that you want me to do the Bible study is that it is all for you. It’s about you and it’s to help people grow. It will keep me accountable. Yes, I know that I doubt you a lot, and there are so many reasons why I am unqualified to start a Bible study (especially by myself) but I can do it only with your help (and in knowing that my short comings are your strengths). God, I need a Bible study to keep you in mind and to stay focused on what is true. I have not been able to find a Bible study to call my own, or one that is challenging since Thursday night Bible Study ended (because redacted left). I am really missing the community and the reminders they bring in the encouragement to grow. God, I want to do this to glorify you. I have also been crying out for a Bible study lately and you put this idea in my head. And there’s no way you disapprove because you never turn down anyone who so honestly wants to do something for you (and get closer to you). This will challenge me and others.
So what’s redacted got to do with all of this? I have no idea, I was asking you. See I thought that maybe they could help lead, but I don’t think that anymore. But I did call them and I know that I had to. I don’t know why, but calling them out of the blue is the first step in doing more for you. I trust you to work this out.
I don’t know why you would put redacted so much on my heart, but I really would like a deeper friendship with them. I keep remembering that this is how redacted met me. They told me to come over because you told them to. That was really cool.
God, if I didn’t call redacted I know that there would not even be the possibility of anything more happening. And so, I took this leap of faith. I know that I would never have done this on my own. I trust you to have something happen.
Oh, but there’s a problem. I told redacted that I would meet them at Panera hoping I could get the car. Well that’s not looking so good. Redacted needs it for jazz night. But there is hope. Redacted could pick them up. Anyway, this is just a pride thing. I don’t want to have to call redacted and tell them they’ll have to come to my house to talk or cancel it altogether. I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want them to have to drive all the way here just to talk to me about whatever random thing you want. It’s really about me not wanting that because I feel bad, but it’s really important. God, if you would, please let redacted be able to pick redacted up for jazz night. PLEASE. Let this work out. If not, maybe there’s a reason, probably not though. Just bad luck, and my pride. Please, it would give me so much hope if it could happen. I’m just trying to bribe you. Please do, I know you may not have total control over this, but it would be a really cool sign that I am doing the right thing if it happens. Haha see why I need a car? To do your will, and mine too! HA!
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