Age: 17 years 0 months 30 days

I had such a bad day yesterday and I don’t want it to carry over into today. I didn’t do my homework which is always a strain. It stressed me out. But it doesn’t really matter I guess. I can finish it up pretty easily if I just take the lunch hour. Oh well, I just have to get used to school.

 But the idea that I am now in school Hit me hard yesterday. It seems to take my life away. And an education is not supposed to do that. The more I learn hopefully I’ll be able to really live life. But that doesn’t always seem to be the case. School depresses me but I should look to the good. It gives me an opportunity to get to know people, manage my time better, and force me to learn things that I may or may not have been inspired to do on my own. I guess I just have to find a way to manage time better.

Anyway, hi God. Please help me today. I screwed up yesterday and I definitely didn’t live. Please take my mad / bad / depressing attitude away from me now and help me to form relationships with people here. But mostly, help me to stand up for your name and helped me realize that I am only living when I’m living in you. Hmmm,  Maybe someday I’ll look back on this journal and think, “how dumb I was then”.  that even seems like a dumb statement to think. It really should be “ look how much I’ve learned”.  that seems more helpful.

 But then there’s this quote on the board, “ for all the history of grief /  an empty doorway and a leaf” – Archibald Macleish

Now think about all the history of grief. All the wars, the murders, concentration camps, 9-11, it’s really a very depressing thing to think about. The image doesn’t seem to fit the horrors of all these. 

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