Age: 17 years old

Oh shoot. Guess who I haven’t talked to in a while? And guess who I still don’t want to talk to? Hmmm, hard one. Enough small talk I guess. You know what God, I’m exhausted. And I slept so much today. In fact, I’ve been exhausted every day this week. That’s why I didn’t feel like doing my devos that one day. Then I haven’t felt like doing them since. Now I’ve gotten myself in a mess and I’m still exhausted so I’m not sure how much I’m going to talk about. Though I need to talk about it all and I’m sick of wasting my time in my life. You are the most important thing / person / God in my / anyone’s life and I really want to get refocused. Help me to live in the moments, not give up on talking to you and forgive me!

I’m not sure where to begin because first of all, I need you back. I want the relationship again. But do I want this just for myself? Just so I can feel like a good Christian? I’m not sure why I want you back. Is it just to get that good feeling Lord? Is it to elevate myself and pretend I’m a “good” Christian? I’ve messed up. I was lazy and I just keep getting lazier. I have not had any desire to do devotions and I see the affected my life. I’m miserable without you. But I want to want you back for the right reasons. What are the right reasons for wanting you? Because you helped me more than I help you. I love you only because you first loved me. I guess wanting a relationship with you because I love you is the right reason. But you complete me. You fill the holes in my life in a way no one else can. Knowing you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And coming back to you really benefits me the most. I know that you love me and want me back in our happy when I come back. Well God, I want you back. I’m sick of being lazy and letting our relationship. Bye. Please forgive me for pushing you out of my life.

///Break//
So anyway, TEC is this Thursday. Oh shoot! Yeah, I feel so unprepared for the weekend so I need your help very bad. I need redacted email by tomorrow in please let them check their mail! Those parent letters are so powerful and probably one of the reasons I got so involved in TEC. Please let that work out.

Should redacted come God? They told redacted that they don’t want to go and I don’t want to make them but I want them to go so bad. I want them to know you more and to fall in love with you and be able to live with / for you in England. Also, I miss them a lot and I want to see them. I mean it sucks. They’ve been here two and a half weeks and I’ve barely seen them. And I miss them and they’re so close but not with me and they doesn’t seem to want to be with me and it sucks. But I want the best for them whatever they wants to do. God, please give them the desire to willingly come to TEC. I think it’s your will that they come and if not then don’t make them. Or tell me so I don’t make them. Please have them come though. You do awesome things at TEC and I want them to know you. I want them to grow closer to you. I want them to fall madly in love with you and yes I know that I need to work on that too but please help them while they’re here. It’s so much easier for me to love you because I have friends and churches that support me. But their love for you needs to be so extremely strong that they can stand without the support of friends or churches and makes decisions for you. God they’re empty and filling their life with drinks, drugs, sex, and music and God I know they’re not satisfied with it and I want to see their life complete in you. Help them to come to TEC but if they don’t, help me to be able to get closer to them and share your amazing love.

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