Age: 16 years 11 months 9 days
Oh God,
I feel so sick. I’m near the brink of puking. Dang, now my period is just another obstacle that I have to get over this week. I know that you would never give me anything that I couldn’t handle.
When I found out that I had my period this morning it only made my pessimism grow. I’ve done my share of complaining and sulking this morning. Change my view of my period and don’t let it hinder me from accomplishing your will.
I know that it’s mostly a mental thing and I am still able to do most of the physical activities.
Help me to be friendly and cheerful, a reflection of you. Help me to encourage people as they come closer to you and still break down the stereotypes that I have created about others.
I know that this week has a purpose even though I can’t see it. I need your help to grow myself and be an encouragement for others. Help me to see people for who they are, despite their perception of me. Help me to be loving and accomplish your will.
Monday
DISHES
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But God, I don’t know how to accomplish your will here at camp. It’s so hard for me to love others and stop complaining. I don’t like it here and I still don’t like the people here. The freshmen annoy me and I don’t feel like using my status as a senior to make them feel welcome.
But I know that these feelings aren’t from you. I don’t know why I really want to be with you and accept others this week as opposed to any other week except that I love you and I guess I can see this week as an opportunity to grow closer to you. But that doesn’t make liking it here or trying to do your will any easier.
I feel like I am trying so hard just to show people that I really a Christian and that I’m not trying hard just for you. This doesn’t feel real and I don’t know how I can be real here.
Help me to be real and to remember who I am. Help me not to put on a front or disguise my inner feelings. help me to address my problems instead of repressing them.
Help me to be social and caring. Though I don’t feel that others care I would like to care for them because it’s what you want of me.
I know that I’m not the best Christian. I know that I do things for selfish reasons, and I know that I did not come here for you. But God, I’m never going to have a good week if it isn’t for you and you are not here to help me.
I really like this journal thing. It’s kind of fun. But yeah, God I can’t change my attitude alone. I don’t want to be rude and I don’t want this week to be miserable for myself and others. I really don’t. So I am sincerely asking that you change my heart and remind me of the good at camp.
Thank you for redacted yesterday though. It really felt like they cared about me and at least they noticed that I was in the cabin. I really didn’t feel well and it was nice that they cared.
Also thank you so much for redacted and redacted, and even redacted because without them I think this week would be unbearable. Help me to do things that redacted wants to do and to stop being so selfish and making excuses. I don’t want to be a party-pooper and I really am here this week for redacted.
Please let TEC (Teens Encounter Christ) still be on. For one thing, I am really excited about working it and I am trying to grow closer to you here at camp mostly for TEC. I love working that program and it really helps me to know you better. But really I want redacted to go to TEC. I know that they can find you here just like they can find you at TEC but because of what I know about them, camp, and the effects of TEC I feel that TEC would be highly beneficial to them. I also feel that our talks could help people.
God, about the talk… it’s not nearly perfect yet and I need time and your help to make it exactly what you want it to be. I really do want them to not even see me, but to really see you because nothing has been nearly as REVOLUTIONARY as your love.
Also, we are about to start session. I love singing but please let the words mean something to me. I don’t feel right singing idol promises to you.
Wow, I am kind of surprised at myself. My focus seems to be in the right place this week. I am proud of myself that I at least see a problem in me that needs to be addressed this week. And I’m proud that I’m turning to you instead of friends or myself. A lot of this is selfish and to prove that I really know you, but I really don’t have to prove that to anyone.
But it is time for session. Come with me? 🙂
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