Age: 15 years old
Oh, where to begin? I feel horrible. Since I started morning devos I haven’t been praying like I used to. I haven’t been experiencing God and I haven’t grown closer to him through prayer. I have lost confidence. I was so scared to give my speech about you and I feel horrible about Bible study, even though I don’t know why. I think redacted is mad at me and I don’t know why. I just feel so confused and lost, and horrible. I am losing you. I’m not as fired up about you as I was. I don’t want to spend as much time with you and I don’t want to do stuff for you, and I don’t know why. I bet it’s my prayers. But, this morning I lied and said I was sick. I thought I could be because I was Sunday. I don’t know why I did it either. Now I have more homework to make up and I didn’t miss anything like a test or project. I would have had less work if I went to school. I feel horrible about not going to school, I have been lying all day. I try hiding from you and forgetting you and I did. I lied to redacted about saying I didn’t really want to meet redacted. I was in a horrible mood and I was just being horrible, and now I feel horrible. I just feel like I am losing you and that’s the worst feeling ever. What can I do to make things right? How can I get excited about you getting it? How can I live for you. Please forgive me. I hate this. How come I don’t want to do stuff for you? How come I’m not excited? What’s wrong with me? Why am I scared to talk about you? Why am I so rude? Why am I not living for you? How could I possibly lose you? You have done so much for me and made my life so awesome and how come I’m not excited? I felt depressed Sunday. There was something missing in my life. I didn’t feel loved. I knew I had friends who love me, but that just wasn’t enough. I was empty. It’s because I didn’t have you, I have been pushing you away. I feel empty without you. You fill me up and make my life worth living. When I live on my own I feel worthless. I feel horrible and alone. But you come for me so much. When I am living in you and trusting you, I am never alone. I feel so much better and confident. Lord, I hate East Grand Rapids. I feel so out of place and unloved and I am not myself there. I would love to switch schools. Maybe that’s why I skipped. I just hate it so much, but I feel bad I skipped. It was a complete defiance of you not to mention ignoring you. And that’s why I feel so bad. When I go to school, I don’t bring you. I leave you at home. Then I am not myself, because you’re the biggest part of me. You make me who I am and I am not complete without you. That’s why I have felt so empty and horrible. I haven’t been wanting to spend time with you so I am losing you, but not only losing you, but losing a part of myself. Haha! I got it. And no more will I continue down this path. Satan has gotten me a few times with his tricks, but no more. God I want to live fully for you. I need you to complete me. Without you I am not me. And I can’t stand to go on Living Without You. So Lord, I want to spend more time with you so I can grow closer to you, especially before California. I am really going to need you on this trip. So no TV for me until Friday. I want to dedicate this time to growing closer to you and so I won’t be completely horrible on this trip to California. Help me grow in you. You always have!
No TV from Tuesday the 18th through Friday the 21st
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