15 years old
God, why do you even bother with me? Look at every wonderful thing you have put in my life. redacted, redacted, redacted, redacted, redacted, redacted, redacted. I don’t deserve any of it. Why are you giving me all of these things? I deserve nothing! I am so selfish, and I thought before I’m good, I deserve these things. Why did you give them to me? You have put such wonderful people in my life and I take them for granted. Why, no matter how much I same, do you forgive me? Look how much I hurt you. Just look at it. Every second I take you for granted. I think I deserve you? Haha! I cannot earn you! Why can’t I earn you? It would be easier. I know that you know that. But you gave me a gift. Oh what a gift it is. It is such a great guy and I can’t even come close to repaying you. No matter what I can’t repay your gift card. Why? I DO NOT DESERVE IT! Just look how selfish I am. I don’t even want to spend time with you.! Why did I do that? I love you. I need you. I need you to be everything in my life. Take me away from my selfish, self-centered life! Please! I don’t want it. I will not accept it anymore. I DON’T WANT ANYTHING BUT YOU! How come you give me more? I already can’t repay you and you keep giving. Why do you love me so much? I hurt you. I hurt you a hundred times over today. I hurt you so much. I am selfish and I still go on thinking that my life is my own? haha! I am so foolish! I wouldn’t want to be in control of my life even if I was. I would screw everything up. I cannot do anything without your help Lord. I DON’T WANT TO BE SO SELFISH! I only want you, I ONLY WANT YOU. I can’t believe that I let stupid things take me away from you, God, I almost failed you again. You texted me. Told me to break those movies. You showed me which ones. I did it. Help me in explaining it to others, Lord, all I know is that you wanted me to do it. It wasn’t my own desire to break them. I AM STILL FAILING YOU~ No, I will not let my selfish desires get in the way. I gave up CDs, money, TV for a week. I will get rid of my movies with sex and nudity in it! Hmmm, that was for you. I feel better. I know you wanted me to do that and I am thinking very clear now. I know I won’t be as clear when someone questions me, but I know you wanted me to do that. Hey, guess what? I am still alive. I loved T2 but it had nudity in it. You called me to give it up. Lord, I am changing right now. I will not go see a movie before I know if it has sex, big sexual references, or nudity. And guess what? I WILL LIVE! I can live a life of freedom. Well Lord, so far you haven’t made me a hypocrite. I have I told people I would give up anything for you. So far I have given up my most valuable Earthly things. I feel good! No, I FEEL REALLY GOOD!!! I can do anything for you, with your help of course! Wow, who would think I would give up music and bad movies. I never saw this coming. But I am happy to give them up, so happy! Help me to keep my promise on music and movies. Here, I will lay down my rules for movies. I will always have to go online to reil.com and see the sex and nudity content. From that I will decide if I can see that movie or not. I will always check beforehand, because not even I know everything in the movie! But Lord, you have given me a talent and passion. I can be the best director out there in through my movies I can bring people to you. Help me and always using this talent to bring honor and glory to you. Thank you for bringing me closer to you again in those movies were hurting my walk with you. I had to give them up and if for no other reason, I love them too much. Lord, thank you for bringing me closer to you all the time. That’s all I want. You showed me today that I still have a long ways to go and totally committed my life to you, but you brought me one step closer.
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