Between September and October 2001

15 years old. 

What are you doing? All day you have  been putting off doing things for God. You are ignoring him. Here, sitting in my TEC (Teens Encounter Christ) shirt and cross necklaces with Christian jewelry, I am totally ignoring God. I don’t want to do anything for him. I am sitting here with my hard heart, wondering why I am doing these things, reading books about God. I don’t really want to be doing any of it. Obviously I’m growing away from God. I can’t see him, can’t see what he wants me to do. I am falling away from him in to temptation, And I can’t see my own sin. So, right now, why are you doing things for God? Are you going to lose him now? After giving up music, after doing things for him, are you just going to sit by and watch as you fall? Have you forgotten God? Right now, I feel I have, for today I lost all sight of God. I can’t see him. I just keep thinking about all I have to do. I know that I am wrong in thinking all of this, but my heart is not excited about God. I feel I have fallen into the midst of my busy schedule. I don’t know what I am doing wrong either. I guess I am only doing it devotions half-heartedly. Now, you just made your profession of Faith? Does that mean you have to stop working for God? Not at all you’ve heard how your friends have fallen away from God after their profession of Faith. Are you going to let the same thing happen? Are you going to let the best thing in your life slip away? Are you going to be like everyone else? NO WAY!!! I don’t want to lose you. All that you have done for me, how happy I am when I am with you. Wow, I had a bad day. You know why? I lived without you. All day, I live without you. How horrible. There is no way I want that, ever! I never want to lose you, never want to be like the world. No way! I want to live for you you whole heartedly. so, are you going to continue falling it? Continue wasting my life? Why am I being so selfish? Why do I think I deserve anything? Why is not having TV bothering me so much? Why am I stressed out? I know why, God is not all he needs to be in my life. Now, stop trying to guess God’s plan for your life. Stop getting depressed and saying, oh well, I got the blue paper. I am falling away from you and there is nothing I can do about it. NO WAY!  You are dead wrong. You are falling because you are letting it happen. You are saying, tomorrow I will be a better Christian. You are rushing through devotions. Ahhhh, what is your problem. Remember God. No, just think right now. You are letting your accomplishments get to your head, despite the warnings. You are saying, look at all that I have done for God, and not looking at the failures. Well remember, you didn’t do those things to bring glory to myself, you did them to bring glory to God. Don’t be like everyone else. Don’t allow God to slip through your fingers. Love him wholeheartedly and remember he chose the nails for you.


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