15 years old. 

God, help me! Please help me. I have been feeling so depressed. Everywhere I go it seems my friends would rather be with other people than me. I just feel like I don’t have any real friends. I keep trying to remind myself with redacted. But Lord, I hate being away from my middle school friends. To not see them hurts me enough, but when I am with them and feel like they could care less I was there. I miss them so much every minute, I can’t bear it if they don’t feel the same about me. But, right now I don’t feel like anyone cares about me. Like, I’m not first in anyone’s life. But, that’s not true. I know these people love me, I just feel so left out. And TEC (Teens Encounter Christ) is not helping. I’m not fitting in there it’s sad. It is supposed to be a place for you, where everyone loves everyone, and people are accepted and feel loved. But, I am outside looking at everyone else’s relationship. They have grown so close through the hard times and their lives like their struggles. But, I feel that no one cares about me. Even as a candidate I feel this way. Everyone else made friends, they forgot me. I’m not the person anyone wants to be with, or go somewhere specifically to see, like redacted, everyone loves them. I even love them. They love me, but all my other friends to them come before me. And, I don’t get invited places. So, now that I have just thrown a pity party, and showed off my worst temper, I’m stupid. I am complaining to you about not being loved, when I have your unconditional love. I am first in your life. Holy cow! First in your life. You make me, you die for me, you did it all for me. I have a best friend who loves me, and wants to be with me first. And the way I am feeling about all of my friends, you are feeling towards me. You just want to be first in my life, the way I want my friends to think of me. You want to be loved fully by me. I want to be loved. I want a best friend. And you are my best friend. The one I can always turn to about everything. My first thought was to turn to redacted, but it should be turned to you. I have found that out before. Redacted can’t help me more than you. Redacted may have hurt me more, but, you never hurt me. But, I hurt you. I couldn’t stand it if redacted said something mean to me. You must feel that way when I do it to you. I’m sorry. I know how it hurts now. Thanks for showing me this pain. Thanks. Every time I think I have a bad situation, you turn it around for your benefit. Sorry I have gone away from you. No way do I want to hurt you. I know I have. I don’t want to lose you. And, I did fall away. I knew it, my heart didn’t want to come back. I realize you had to make me feel this way so I could turn back to you. Thank you!

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