Hi family, friends, and strangers who may become friends,

Today is my 36th birthday.

I wanted to direct a feature film by now but life has gone a different way. Instead, I have created a graphic novel that I independently released. I’m happily married to the best person in the world for me. I live in my favorite city in the world: Los Angeles. We even miraculously managed to get a townhouse here. I get to work every day on building my dreams; which still involve creating movies but also involve more experimental movies (in 3D to be released in VR. Yes, I’m living my Matrix fantasy). I am proud of what I have accomplished so far and I still have big dreams and big projects.

I do not have many regrets but I do have anxiety. I still worry that I am a critic and not a creator. I worry that I will not accomplish all of my dreams. I worry that I could have worked harder or done something differently. I also worry that I am ordinary, as if shared / common experiences are something to be ashamed of… (they’re not!).

I constantly battle my worry. I use facts to battle my fears. And the way I keep track of the facts (and emotions) of my life are through these journals.

Most of my life, I have kept a journal. I call it a journal because that is more mature sounding but this is also a diary as it includes my deepest feelings. I am now confident enough to embrace these as diary entries.

I’ve decided to publish my diaries.

This is my raw life. I never thought I would make these public, but now, I am. I’m making these public because I don’t want to forget my past. Time with others is the real treasure in life. So now, I am digitizing them all so as not to lose more memories to time. But it’s not simply preservation: I’m hoping you will be able to take something from my journey. I’ve learned not to judge myself as harshly as I once did. I hope you can learn from my experiences.

I’ve made plenty of mistakes in life. I’ve also changed my opinion on things. Change takes time. You will see the change if you keep reading, but not if you take the past for my present.

Much has changed. Much has stayed the same. That’s the weird thing about life.

My diaries help me to appreciate reality for what it is. I hope that sharing them can help me to be honest about life. I hope we can have deeper conversations. I hope that I get to know more people through this admittedly self-indulgent performance art piece. This is the art of the mundane life.

It’s a bit scary, but here is my life as it once was… Enjoy!

Cheers,

Kristen Renee Gorlitz

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