“Anyone who says you have to tell a story with a beat sheet should be beaten senseless.” — Harlan Ellison

On march 26th, 2015 Harlan Ellison joined us at the LASFS (Los Angeles Science Fantasy Society) to chat, answer questions, philosophize, stir up controversy, what have you. It was a delightful time with one of the largest turnouts at the club in recent years (at least the last 2 years). Honestly, I have not read Harlan Ellison, but I am familiar with some of his work, like Star Trek episode City on the Edge of Forever and movie A Boy and His Dog. And who cares, of course I wanted to meet the Harlan Ellison.

I watched a few of his youtube videos before the meeting, so I knew this was going to be a blast. Harlan is a rare person who is kind, considerate, passionate, willing to stand up for himself, and above all, truthful in life. And, he likes to push boundaries.

He didn’t seem to insult people as much as he insulted bad ideas. I mean, sure he called people crips, partly crippled, soon to be crippled, what have you, things I probably shouldn’t write, but lets get to the good stuff – his stories and his answers to questions.

Well, the first question was something along the lines of “What is your opinion on beat sheets when it comes to writing and why didn’t my school teach me how to write?” Harlan did not seem to know what the standard beat sheet is but he of course gathered what it means. He condemns the idea of writing by numbers. It’s the worst sort of hell. And as I quoted above, he ended his rant saying “Anyone who says you have to tell a story with a beat sheet should be beaten senseless.”

*Side note – I doubt he would condemn working on a piece to make it better by studying the way a good story is told. All writers work (and he works daily) to perfect their craft and part of that is understand how the story works. But to create something by numbers is a terrible waste of potential.

Next, he seems to be doing very well after his recent stroke. He says he is still able to type, though one hand is slow. And with this, he expressed his annoyance for artificial people, the 1700 people who call him to talk about nothing, see how he is doing simply to get something from him. He says he is fed up with that kind of false sympathy and doesn’t give them the time anymore.

My favorite part was watching his interaction with his wife Susan. She was there (obviously or he couldn’t interact with her) and it was absolutely beautiful to witness the great love and respect they have for one another. He told us how she could not tell a joke, could not even repeat a joke well. He told us how she had his heart immediately, if she wanted it or not. He also told us of the many women he had company with, but how none compared to her. And then we got to see how much they love each other when someone (who will remain nameless) joked to Harlan about how much he enjoyed touching someones (I don’t know the story) breasts at a convention.

Immediately, Harlan fell silent. He was visibly upset by this accusation. And his wife was furious. I thought they might leave there and then. But instead, he took the time to defend himself and there terrible stupidity of rumors and lies. His has clearly heard often of how he grabbed a woman’s breast he used this and another story to tell us how dangerous lies are and how they really do travel five times faster than the truth.

Without attacking the accuser directly, he told us a story of how a man one confronted him and said, “why did you drop that chandelier on those people at the convention?” To such a ridiculous accusation, Harlan could only respond with the logical questions. Do you know the physics of dropping and chandelier on a crowd? Where they all standing underneath it? How did he do it? Was he on a ladder at the convention? Did he have bolt-cutters when he was on the ladder? How come no one called the police? And the series of these absurdly logical questions continued. When he was finally done proving the absurdity of the claim the accuser said, “So why did you do it?”. And with that, Harlan walked away. (And surprising did not punch the guy).

With that story, he defended his honor. His wife reeled in disgust at the rudeness of people. And they moved on. And that was a great example of love. When he was attacked, they both defended him and their honor. It was a great fight, a well played fight, and a beautiful example of love. And they just seem so in love, so happy. They’ve been together 30 years, and it can’t be easy, but I was privileged to witness it.